Sunday, November 30, 2008

Alternative Relationships

(Warning: This was a suggested topic... Not my idea... But you wanted it, so here it is... A discussion of the topic in general and my opinion on it...)


Polygamy is defined as "the practice or condition of having more than one spouse"...


Polygamy does not just refer to the practice of a man having multiple wives (polygyny), it can also refer to a woman having multiple husbands (polyandry), or "family units" containing several couples who live together and as a group raise children and take care of properties (group marriage). Although, polygyny is the most common form of polygamy.

Instances of polygamy are found throughout Africa, Middle East and East Asia (with smaller practicing groups found all over the world). There is evidence of such relationships dating back to biblical times, and before... Polygamy can even be found within different religious sects; there are documented case within Buddhism, Hinduism, Judaism, Christianity, Islamic and Mormon faiths.

"A popular joke with Mark Twain has Twain asked to cite a Scripture reference that forbids polygamy, and he responds with, 'No man can serve two masters.' "

Is it feasible in today's society for a polygamist relationship to work? Depends... Would it be easy? Definetly not...

I am not going to speak from a religious perspective- I am just going to speak about the idea in general- assuming those ADULTS in this "alternative relationship" are there willingly. The idea of "sister wives" is intriguing... Someone to help with housework; someone to help raise and care for children. Perhaps an extra income to the household (depending upon the faith that is being practiced)... But along with the good, comes the bad... Loss of privacy... A loss of a sense of self... Jealousy...

It would be awesome to have someone to help with all the daily stuff that makes a home run semi-smoothly... Laundry, dishes, dusting, vaccuuming, cooking, cleaning, grocery shopping etc etc etc... But wouldn't a housekeeper be just as easy? Yeah- you would have to pay them, but cost-wise it would be roughly the same to clothe and feed another mouth in the family...

Someone to help raise the children... Now granted- multiple wives would mean extra children... But you would have reinforcements to help raise, teach and discipline them. But you'd also have at least twice the number of children, twice the noise level, twice the runny noses to clean, twice the mess (thus requiring the extra person to help clean up), twice the kid 'tude... Varying adult attitudes in regards to how a child should be raised...

Extra income~ a bonus, but considering the extra mouths to feed- it's a neccessity...

Loss of privacy... Whether the idea of everyone living in a single house or a "compound"~ you are bound to lose some privacy. Your private affairs are no longer private. One would be constantly worried what was being said in "private" when you weren't there. If confidences had been broken...

A loss of a sense of self. You are no longer your own person. You are part of a "unit". A bad thing- no not necessairily... But completely different from a single, monogamous relationship. In a single, monogamous relationship, there is still a me, still a you and a we. I would imagine that being in a relationship with multiple spouses would take away some of that "me" feeling. There would need to be so much more time devoted to the "family unit" that individual time and concern may cease to exist.

Jealousy... Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned... I know many women in polygamist relationships say there is no jealousy- but I don't believe that for a heartbeat... Seeing your "husband" intimately touch another woman, even if just to brush her cheek hello- would send any rational woman through the roof with jealousy. To have to intimately share your spouse with another... Couldn't do it... Would drive me literally insane...

So~ could I participate in a polygamist relationship..? No. I must admit I am entirely too selfish to do so... I would have to have things done my way... And I don't like to share... Wouldn't want to share my house, my chores, nor my husband; and least of all I don't want to share me with anyone other than who I so choose...

Sorry to disappoint those of you with fanciful ideas otherwise... I just can't... I won't...

Saturday, November 29, 2008

Topic Requests...

I am plum out of ideas for blogging... Need topic suggestions from "my readers"... Please- Or the blogs will only continue as events randomly come up in life... Which, seeing as how boring my life is, may be quite some time in the making...
Thanks!

Thursday, November 27, 2008

Thanksgiving

Not going to try to be poetic...
Or try to match Jennifer's finesse when it comes to writing...
Happy Thanksgiving to you all...

xoxo

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Admission...

Admission- "A voluntary acknowledgment of truth."

For those of you who seem to be happy by making me squirm or feel guilty...

I am~ for the first time in a long long time~ admitting that I am~~~ SICK!

There are you happy?!? A stupid cold bug has infiltrated my immune system~ caused sore throats, a stuffy head, ear ache, and made me sound like a croaking frog...

I tried to completely deny it~ because I tend to recover a bit faster, or at the very least not suffer as much, when I ignore my symptoms, but seeing as this has completely taken over so quickly~ there is no denying the truth...

I am sick...

So who's gonna make me some chicken noodle soup and listen to me whine and complain???
Oh! And as a post~script... Apparently I am pathetic looking~ hopefully it was meant as only when I am sick and not on a daily basis...

Wednesday, November 19, 2008

"There comes a point when you stop being friends and you become sisters..."

"We weren't sisters by birth, but we knew from the start...
Fate brought us together to be sisters by heart."

I haven't known my best friend since I was teeny tiny... Fourteen years... Just under half my lifetime... A relatively short time... But so many memories that I have...

Being blatantly asked if I was a snob in P.E. Was my first few days in a brand new school... Didn't know anyone, was scared to death because I had already seen four knock-down drag out fights... And horribly shy~ and then I meet this girl who totally knocked me off balance and skewed my way of looking at things... I've adjusted to my slanted view~ and never looked back...

Being asked how close I sat next to a certain guy in Geometry... How much I talked to him... And asked to give him a tape... Funny how the world twists- was the same guy I "liked" when I was in 4th grade in another city... Similar tastes...

Sitting in a darkened Auditorium listening to the glee club... And her pointing out this guy...

Missing her when I had to change schools, yet again... A good friend, the kind I hadn't had in a long time... Will I ever see her again???

Attending Sunday school with her... Giggling behind our hands at the teacher... Teasing a guy...

Going to a water park... Being left alone for hours, while she traipsed about with a guy she has a crush on... Getting badly sunburned... Should have been in the hospital that time...

Senior year of high school... Two classes together... Poor teachers... A.P. Psych~ trying to analyze one another's "issues". A.P. Comp... That teacher hated me for some odd reason~ and loved you... Not a comforting change of events for the teacher's pet...

First time ditching class... Well~ technically just not returning from lunch... The AP comp teacher won't miss me anyways... Hanging out at Jack in the Box, eating fries with mayo...

Covering for you~ when you ditched and went to church... Sitting on the swings~ worrying if your life was about to take an unexpected twist... And us not sure how to proceed...

Making a maze through Christmas trees for the Key Club... You trying to get lost with another crush...

Moving away~ and in with your dad... Picking Jennifer and I up for school in your Dad's truck~ parking on the sidewalk and falling into the truck...

Hanging out in the drama room~ and making fun of the "weird" drama people...

Graduation... Losing touch... Missing the laughter and good times...

Finding you again... Finding out you got married... Sad I wasn't invited... But happy you chose to include me in your life again...

Seeing you hold Bobbie in your arms after she was born... Being allowed to hold her~ even though I think I will break her... Watching you watch her in her swing... Watching you be happy in your marriage... Watching her grow... Seeing your new house~ all grown up...

Losing touch again... Finding you yet again... Pregnant with baby #2... Excitement... Watching you hold Krista... Watching Bobbie and Robert hold her... Being allowed to hold her~ even though I think I will break her too...

Staying in touch... Watching your kids grow... Being an auntie...

Knocking you down in the snow... Dislocating your knee... Clutching the seat driving down the mountain... Birthday parties... Firsts...

Being there for one another... Laughing... Living... Loving...

Fourteen years... Not a long time... But full of wonderful memories that I wouldn't trade for anything... Priceless... I hope I am around long enough to have at least another fourteen years of friendship to look forward to... Your friendship and you are irreplacable...

Thank you for enriching my life... For pushing me beyond my limits~ and making me try... For letting me be a part of your family... For teaching me how to have fun~ and goading me to continue... Thank you for all you do and all you are...

Happy Birthday M'Dear... May all your wishes come true... And I hope you have many more to come~ so that we can celebrate them (or not celebrate them~ but have fun all the same) together...

XOXO

Tuesday, November 18, 2008

Found...

So~ I found an old book I have some writing in... Not necessarily all my writing~ but writing all the same... Decided I would share it~ at least until I decide it isn't worth reading then take the post down...

The Lady Lay

Far beyond the sky of gray
In a meadow, the baby lay
Warm and dry
Unlike the sky
The baby lay.

So innocent and sweet
From the top of her head, down to her feet
With a heart of gold
And a gaze so bold
The baby lay.

As years pass by
No longer a cry
Of a sweet, innocent baby
But of a beautiful young lady
The lady lay.

Still possessing the gaze so bold
And the heart of gold
The suitors chase
Her sweet innocent face
The lady lay.

Under the sky so blue
She stands with her heart so true
He asked, :Do you take this man named Wes?"
With tears in her eyes she said, "Yes."
And, the lady lay.

Through all of life's trials
And her husbands denials
She stayed by his side
Until the day he died
The widow lay.

Full, was never her life to be
For her husband just could not see
That all the times he lied
She kept to her room and cried
The widow lay.

A child was all he left
And she smiled as it slept
She knelt down to pray
At the end of each day
The mother did lay.

Alone in her room
Her time has come none too soon
A creak of the door
That she can barely hear anymore
The mother lay.

She opened her eyes to see
Her young daughter Beverly
She smiled, said, "I love you" and took a deep breath
Squeezed her daughter's hand, and relaxed in her death
As the lady lay.

Many will mourn
And few will scorn
The gaze so bold
And her heart of gold
As the lady at last lay.

Monday, November 17, 2008

Pop Quiz...

Does anyone remember this..? And more importantly who it came from and why...?


Walk with me through the depths of time...
Sing with me these silly rhymes...
Show me how your life once was...
Tell me how your death was caused...
Come, take me by the hand,
And help me try to understand...
Life is fragile, Life is kind...
It does not cheat, It does not mind...
Show me how my life should be...
Tell me how to cry for thee...
(11~March~1997)


A hug to be bestowed upon the winner... Any guesses???

Saturday, November 15, 2008

Dear Jennifer...

For the first two and a half years of my life, I was an only child. A scientific experiment Daddy might tease... Like seeing how many times he and mom could tell me, at one year old, to look down the empty hose, then turn it on~ so it would splash me in my face... An experiment to learn what they can and can't do to a child~ to watch them learn, to watch them grow... Mom and Daddy had a lot of fun... They figured they weren't too horrible at this whole parent thing, and decided that one was not enough~ that they had enough love in their hearts to have another...

I was too young to understand the possible benefits or restrictions that this whole idea of adding another child to our family might bring forth... Not that I had any say in the matter anyways...

Then twenty-seven years ago, I was blessed with the most sensational gift possible... I was given you. True, you weren't specifically given to me, but I think I got the better end of the deal... I didn't have to change dirty diapers... I didn't have to be the "bad guy"... I didn't have the stress of having to try to figure out what was right and wrong for you... How to help you grow and learn... I got a play toy~ someone I could play with for hours, just with you or our dolls... I got a room~mate... Someone I could sneak into bed with or talk to in the middle of the night if I had a bad dream... I got a friend... Someone I could spill my guts to about something that was bothering me... I got a sister~ and all the implications that that title conveys...

A fair critic... A shrink... A companion... A sounding board... And so much more...

Over the years, so much has changed... We've both grown older, both matured... I got to watch you change from this helpless, little being to a strong, unfaltering young woman... Someone I am proud to call my sister... We've lived and laughed, and moreover loved... Granted over the years~ we haven't always travelled the same roads... Nor even travelled roads of a parallel nature, but we always take the time to visit one another's thoughts and hearts... We've learned to play on one another's strengths, and to support each other's weaknesses... We've learned to get along...

I just wanted to remind you on this day~ above all others~ how much you truly mean to me... How much you have always meant to me... To let you know I was devastated when you decided to move, but reconciled the fact that you are happy and healthy and loving life where you are... I wanted to remind you how much I love and support you~ I always have, and I always will... How proud I am of all you do and all you have become...

Happy birthday little sister...


I love you lots.... Forever and always...

~Me
(Note: Yes I know that your birthday is technically not until the 16th~ but wanted to have it up for you to read first thing in the morning... And you KNOW how much I am a morning person~ so even though I love you a ton~ I am NOT getting up at 1am to finish this blog and post it so you can read it when you are getting up at 5am... Happy birthday Jennifer!)

Sunday, November 9, 2008

To wed...

To wed means to marry, or take a spouse in a public ceremony... But it also means to bind by close or lasting ties...

Lasting ties... Until death do you part... How much more lasting can one get... Such finality and commitment in the simple words spoken by the old preacher... I looked down the aisle at my friend~ looking into her intended's eyes~ and he into hers... Over fifty pairs of eyes were carefully, yet excitedly, watching this young couple take vows before all of us~ and God~ to be each other's everything~ their best friend, their partner in life, a companion, their lover... And with a smile on their faces they each agreed to be the other's everything... Clear, concise voices~ no wavering in thought or resolve...

A commitment to last a lifetime (yes~ a lifetime)~ through good times and bad... And knowing everything they have conquered so far in their time together~ they will stand the test of time if they only remember and honor those vows... And they each have every person that attended their wedding pulling for them... Ready to remind them of what their vows meant...
The preacher spoke of how the wedding ring was a symbol~ of unbroken promises for the future, of never ending love, hope and commitment...

And within his words I found a fracture of truth... If you are willing to take the time... To make the effort... To be your loved one's best friend~ to learn what it truly takes to assume that position, what makes them tic, simple things that can make them smile; to support them, loyalty... To be their partner~ to stand beside~ not in front or behind~ but beside them through whatever challenges they may face~ as a united front~ no matter how fractured they may feel inside... To be a companion~ to laugh and share experiences with~ to give a part of yourself to them... And to be their lover~ to share all the most intimate details of one's being with; physically and emotionally~ to trust... To be one another's everything... That alone leads to unending love, undying commitment, and unyielding hope that make a relationship~ a marriage~ strong and everlasting...

So simple... Nothing difficult about how to be successful in this endeavor... A million little pieces all made up into one complexly simple arrangement... Marriage... Does it usually last~ I am not so far out of touch from reality that I would say yes- it usually does... But this world that we live in has bred a bunch of quitters~ those that see something as hard~ and they turn their backs and take the easy way out...

But... As I watched these two throughout the night~ it occurred to me how much they were to each other... They were each other's everything. I only hope they can see that~ today, tomorrow, and always... Through the good times and the not so good... And remember the fracture of truth the preacher spoke of on the day they wed~ the day they publicly decreed that they would be each other's everything~ the love, commitment and everything that came with it, passed to and shared with, one another... To never give~up or give in...

The kind of love displayed by these two, and everyone that celebrated with them, gives me hope... For ever brighter tomorrows...

Congrats A&B... Wishing you a lifetime of being each other's everything... Making fond memories to bind the two of you ever closer together... And may that ring~ with so many deeply set meanings, never fracture...

Tuesday, November 4, 2008

Happy Birthday...

Sorry...

No long or inspirational blog today...

Just celebrating the memory of my Grandpa Joe... God rest his soul...

A cantankerous man to be sure... Could send even my dad heading for the hills with one of his tirades... Had to tip the poor servers at restaurants a full 30% or better because of how difficult he could be...

But also one who accepted his daughter's step-daughter as one of his own, and showed how encompassing his heart truly is~ if you can reach past all the bull to see it... A man who's family was everything to him... A source of pride... A reason to live...

Happy Birthday Grandpa Joe...

Sunday, November 2, 2008

Sandman

Sleep is defined as a suspension of consciousness... often when the body rests, and repairs itself...

To sleep, bed down, bunk, catch a wink, catch forty winks, catnap, conk out, cop some z’s, crash, doze, dream, drop off, drowse, fall asleep, fall out, flop, hibernate, hit the hay, hit the sack, languish, nap, nod, nod off, oversleep, relax, repose, rest, retire, sack out, saw wood, slumber, snooze, snore, take a nap, turn in, yawn, zonk out, zzz... Whatever one calls it~ it is a basic requirement in life... To allow your mind to rest, your body to repair... You get the picture...

A basic requirement that seems to elude me when I truly need it the most... Just a few hours of slumber to perhaps ease the paroxysm in my spine...

Don't get me wrong~ it's not that I don't ever sleep... Just the nights when my mind is racing a million miles an hour or my body hurts, that the dear Sandman dances about just out of my grasp...

A sick and twisted man he must be... He dances and sways to an enchanting beat that is too quick and crude to lull my senses... My attention he does keep...

Senses seemed heightened... Sounds are loud and intrusive... Even my own heartbeat rings loud in my ears... Every single move and breath is amplified...

Heated blades seem to rip through my spine... Through my hip... Down my leg... And back again... A never ending circuit... My muscles feel as if they have been filleted and seared over hot white coals~ and they recoil in protest... Any movement doubles the pain... Pure agony, if you will... Even the necessary act of breathing causes horrible ripping sensations up and down my nerves... I try to quit breathing~ which helps momentairily, until I sputter for air~ and my nightmare continues... In vain... Continuity... Hell...

I take a chance to look at the clock, careful to move slowly~ three and a half hours since I laid down... Since my tour through the depths of hell began... I am exhausted... Tears well in my eyes, and slowly cascade down my cheeks... Where is the dear, evil Sandman when you most need him to visit? Despite my best efforts, a sob breaks me... Pain shoots through my body with a vengeance... I quit trying to fight through it... I can't... It isn't working anyways... I give into the misery that has beset me...

Several sobs rack my body~ followed swiftly by cramping muscles and nerve endings screaming in protest... My eyes close briefly... And there he is... Finally... The dear Sandman... Exhaustion has come to claim me... For a few hours anyways...